Why Breaking- Up can be good for you

It took about a year to digest all of the learning that I got from breaking up and I am still learning.

Every person has to be rejected or has to fail at something.

They can either choose to see it as devastating or they can choose to see it as a learning process. 

In fact, everything is a learning process, a year ago I would not have expected myself to believe that the idea of breaking up is great.

It is painful...yes. It is super painful,without the proper outlet you can destroy your entire brain and yes never function   again after a heart and gut wrenching episode...for those who survive...well...there will always be a list of the things that they learned after a break-up.

1. You will miss the simple things that make up the relationship- when you are inside the relationship, you miss  the simple things. 

They do not matter, they become a habit. Once something becomes a habit they lose value, people do not see how magical it is for a fraction of a second and can easily disregard it. 

When you break-up, every piece of memory becomes a diamond series of pictures.

 The simple memory of both of you watching a movie that you don't even like becomes precious.

The flowers and the cards that you easily disregard...well at some point you will try to find them. It's as if holding the card and the flower or the wrapper of the chocolate would help you somehow to re-experience something that will never come back.

2. YOu will ask yourself...why did you spend so much time using your energy on an argument that was pointless-- so many couples go on a power trip.

 It is a never ending power struggle betweent the couples after the  honeymoon stage is over.

The honeymoon phase of the relationship can last for 3 to 6 months, if they are lucky it could be 1 year but nevertheless it ends.

 The person that you think was once magical, becomes familiar. You suddenly see their pimples, how lousy their dress looks like.

But then again when you break up, you start to regret all of this power struggle. If you did profess to love someone that much, why did you waste so many hours arguing over who is right?

For some reason being intelligent, being right...being the one powerful does not matter anymore after breaking up. Because you will finally realize, if love is ever going to triumph. The Ego needs to be set aside.

3. Relationships have a higher chance of succeeding if we treated our partner like  a cat or a dog in a good way. We love our pets, we give them unconditional love. We do not demand anything from them and we do not assert who is right or wrong, we just love their company, we give them food, hug and protect them. If this can be transferred into human relationship....it would be heaven.

4. Love should not involve the brain, it does not calculate how much money the other person has, or how many favors one can get from the other. In the first place, when love enters all logical instinct dies and it should remain that way if we want to make something last.

 In doing so, in asking nothing in return while giving a person increases their inner power.

Society would tell you, the person who cares the less...has the power. I say, that is plain Bull$hit.  The person who is able to care the most, without asking anything in return...increases their own energy. The person who is able to care more becomes immortal.

But anyway, this learning will not arrive, unless two people break up. 

5. Relationships need space if people want it to grow- without space there would be no reflection of things. You cannot observe what is wrong in a film, until you take yourself out of the characters and actually watch it. So Yes, whether you like it or not Breaking up could be a blessing. 

If there would be a chance of getting back in the future, you can change a lot of things that went wrong. That is if you did not spend all of your time looking for a rebound.

4. Rebound relationships are a death sentence  and they hardly work at all--there are very few individuals who succeed with taking in rebounds.

 Taking in an immediate rebound is a sign of weakness, but at times it is a needed dose of reality.

A rebound can either tell you that breaking up is the right thing or a rebound can expound the fact of how dumb you are for jumping into another  relationship when you do not even realize what you want, who you are and why you broke up in the first place.

others just go through life from one rebound to another, they never learn and then they ask themselves...why is this drama happening in my life over and over again

Why am i suffering over and over again....but  they do not realize. 

It is them who have sinned against themselves...because they did not take the chance to go back and search for the answers...so that in their next relationship they will have no extra baggage. Because believe me...if you  are not able to resolve the main problem and you are not able to point out the reason why your first relationship did not work out...you cannot hope to find answers in the next.

5. Being alone is not so bad after all--sure there are moments where you would be tempted to call your ex-back, hence the drunk dialing, the sudden messages on Facebook, the text messaging.

 The planned visit...but after a while with enough discipline and sense of self...you will realize that being alone is not so bad after all.

 In fact after a few  months of getting your sense of self back, you wil once again notice the beach, how beautiful books are, how funny friends are.

 You are able to focus on projects better and finish tasks..all because you have been too consumed in the relationship to even think about anything else.

In fact, society just tells us that the word alone is something ' negative' as Osho the philosopher would explain. Being alone is our normal state of being. it is something that  you cannot hope to escape even when you are in a relationship or even when you are married.

We have separate brains...we are built that way. There are times where in we will merge ideas with a partner, but being alone is a state of being...and the earlier you accept how we are naturally built...the easier life would be.

While two is better than one, we have to recognize our own divinity. Our own strength and ways to love our mind, body and soul before we can even progress into sharing it with somebody. 

Being alone is not bad..because we are all alone, despite holding a partner's hand or even while embracing somebody. 

6. Being in a relationship will not guarantee that this feeling of being alone will be gone. You do not get into a relationship and expect that someone else will complete you in the process of doing so.

 We on our own complete ourselves.

By loving our own self..we extend..and in doing so we are filled. After filling ourselves up with this strength that is the only time we will reach out and extend this abundance to another...

7. For in giving more...we gain more. Unless this principle is understood a relationship will never work out. Relationships are hard because they are viewed as something finite, something with basic rules, something that has to go with society standards or personal standards. 

It has to fulfill the requirements of parents, family members, work mates, religious organizations, educational sector..the government--and after all of this you will just realize...you have lost love along the way.

Some call what they feel love, but at the moment of seeing something they do not like...they run.  

8. Love is a state of being that does not remove itself the moment one discovers that they have no use for the other. Love does not end just because the other is no longer physically present or even useful.

 Love will continue to strengthen, inspire and empower..and it will never leave. 

It is not  something that dies when something is seen as wrong in the other, rather it is the continued nourishment of a partner....and a continued nourishment of the self. 

Every place in the Philippines nowadays seems to abound with shopping malls. SM megamalls are all over the place, they have put their malls in every 30 minutes of the countryside that you can hardly see trees. You can hardly explore any nature inspired scenery....

It becomes harder and harder to connect with nature and the forces around it.

This made me ask this questions:

Would you rather sit inside a mall, where everyone seems unfamiliar, where every one is moving at a fast paced rate...where everyone seems to be busy looking at their phone or laptop... where everyone seems to be wearing some new fashion.

Or would you rather be sitting at a restaurant with a window overlooking a mountain filled with trees...would you rather sit and relax and smell the brewed coffee and freshly baked bread...with people you know, with strangers who have become friends...where everyone has their own unique way of expressing their clothes..

would you rather eat a home cooked meal using ingredients that have been freshly picked at your backyard...

or would you rather buy something that seems fresh inside a mall, a vegetable that you can store in your fridge for 1 month without getting destroyed...

a vegetable that has been stored in plastic, paraded in front of hundreds of buyers...

Today I was reminded of the art of slowing down.

 Everyone seems to want to make time faster. Everything is instant from the noodles that we eat, fromn the chat messages and text messages we receive, everything and I mean everything is done faster, everything is finished faster...every story ends faster.

I suddenly miss the home cooked meals of my lola, she cooks beans and stew using firewood and she has her own special sardines recipe which I was not able to find in any restaurant no matter how hard I try.  Now, that times have changed I don't see her doing that anymore.

Most of the time I am stucked with instant food, something purchased outside of our home. More canned goods and noodles on the shelves, very little vegetables and fruits inside the house.

Because of this changes, I am doing  my best to continue the idea of buying vegetables and fruits, preparing them the traditional way if I can. I am just wondering what my own children would experience in the future...would I be able to provide the same home cooked meals for them.

I would have to try at some point to recapture the feeling of a food that has been served well.

When my friends come over, If I can...i encourage them to eat at a restaurant that creates slow food

  It gives us time to share ideas on the table, gives us time to explore the details of how the food was prepared. If I can manage it we do away with any fast food centers where everything is just fried and served. 

It sometimes bothers me..why humans want to make everything faster, it could have been great if the time we have saved could be used to explore more meaningful relationship

 But if the time we saved would only be used to earn more material things...then I believe that is merely wasted time.

 I do not contradict technology in any way...but I feel that we are also losing something valuable in wanting to make everything faster. it is like we are hoping to make our life faster...its as if we want to die earlier, it feels as if we are always running out of time, we are always running in circles. I just want to take the time to sit down and relax, in place filled with grass somewhere.

Sometimes I look at my sister who is already pregnant and is about to give birth in May. 

I wonder where the time went. I wish I had learned how to slow down when I was younger, to appreciate playing with my sister or just talking about anything. Now she is already going to be a mother, something that I can still be a part of, but I sometimes wish time would slow down, there are things that will never be the same again.

Sometimes I wish I took the time to learn about my first boyfriend. I don't know why I wanted to rush so many things when I was with him.

I wish I could turn back some of the time I have spent rushing for a goal that I did not understand myself. If people did not rush us to get married I could have been holding his hands right now. I don't know why people rush to get married, rush to have kids, rush to experience everything without feeling every moment and fiber of it...

I was reminded of the art of slowing down,,,,of chewing my food thoroughly and of experiencing every bite. Our end goal is to go back in the ground one of this days and I just feel that every fiber of our being could have been explored.

the only thing I can handle now is myself...and I will take the time to learn about myself, of who  I am as I walk. To take the time to see how much I will change in a year...because the world is so focused on making things faster...it is crazy...

There are some of us who want to sit down...who want to feel the earth in our hands. To feel every emotion there is...

To slow down means to focus on the quality of experiences...not the quantity...

To dance slowly if we must... they say time will not wait for anybody... I say time waits for us to learn how to blend well with its own turn.

 

In the coming days..I will look into the eyes of my friends  family members  and strangers with much more eagerness to take in what they have to say, before the time comes to an end.